these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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