I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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