Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
