woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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