I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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