he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
