I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think people are normalizing furries
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
