Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
