cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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