After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
