You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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