I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
