Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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