i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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