Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
