Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
