My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
