Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
