She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
organizing the empties. That sober.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I supernannyed him into submission
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
