Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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