im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
