that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
