I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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