I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
