I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
