Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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