the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
