Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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