whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
