I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
ttyl tear gas
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
