i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
