I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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