she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You left your phone here
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