Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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