I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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