to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
