I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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