If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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