why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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