so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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