i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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