your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
