In the future we'll all be gay
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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