McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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