I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
