I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
