how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
