when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
