Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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