As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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