i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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